Okay, face full of alien spunk… what did I just watch????
Well, it’s me. It’s him. It’s T.I.M. While making my dream project, NAM (Naked Alien Massacre), at a lovely resort up in northern California I met some folks who passed along their daughter’s film that she and her (I think?) now husband put together. The film, The Space Rodent, was directed by Jason D. Morris and written by Robert J. Carrera and Jason D. Morris about a misfit group of friends who encounter a ravenous alien rodent during Halloween night and must survive. The cast consisted of Leah Bernard, Shelby Broadnax, Robert J. Carrera, and David L. Minard, with others playing extras. The Space Rodent was also released as a book also written by Robert J. Carrera. I couldn’t watch this movie alone so I had Amaya join me and to say Amaya didn’t enjoy this movie would be putting it lightly. I on the other hand will offer some creative allowance and balance. I’ve paid no-budget shlock and can respect the fact that it got completed, so there’s that.
Opening scene, we are looking through the eyes of the aliens, distorted. Two aliens share in dialogue where the translation text was way too fast, so it was hard to keep up. The most I understood was going to another planet to seek resources, and if the other didn’t go, then they were going to hurt them sexually, Fuck their asses I believe is what it said. Opening titles featured strobe lights (no disclaimer Amaya pointed out), Power Ranger explosion effects and an AI/game-style graphics in outer space. Next, they introduce our four main characters: Amanda, Skylar, Mac, and Dean. They are labeled as misfits but appear as normal couples with relationship problems. Mac and Dean have a moment of bonding by Dean throwing food at him and Mac trying to catch it while being upside down. The dialogue between the two was awkward, dry, and lacked a smooth transition. Did the two just meet? The two girls head out after an awkward exchange of dialogue that didn’t really fit the story. It was just there. We are left watching two “supposedly” long-time friends figure out a plan for the evening while their women are going to a costume party.
The topics are mundane. Ancient Aliens, a porno, oh, and a bathroom remodeled with motion-sensor faucets and a toilet. The doorbell rings despite Dean putting a sign on the door that says, “Ring the Bell and Die.” They open the door to a trick-or-treater in the middle of the day. A young adult stands on their doorstep asking for candy, but Mac and Dean interchangeably used the terms teenager, young kid, young child, almost adult, and back to teenager throughout the entire movie. So, which is it? In the meantime, we are watching Amanda and Skylar drive five miles an hour and complain about the men, and then say weird things about what kind of drugs will be there at the party. Then heavy metal plays, and girls go crazy, then back to normal. What was that? There was a misplaced scene with the girls freaking out and swerving to avoid the meteors that hadn’t hit Earth yet. Then we see the aliens descend on Earth. From here, it just gets weirder. Girls crash. They see the aliens, plural. Even though the title has just one rodent… lol. No sense of urgency. The men hear screams from the “young kid.” They investigate to see a small alien eating the “teenager.” Innards are out, and she is still screaming, surrounded in cheap blood. I don’t know what the direction was at this point. We find out the “young child” is still alive, stealing their car at a snail’s pace, and now the guys have to confront the alien. As they are fighting it, the alien jerks off and then splashes Dean with cum, water, jizz of some weird kind of substance. Why is the alien jerking off? What turns it on? Is this a spoof? What are they making fun of, if so? A stranger shows up to “help” Amanda and Skylar. It turns from creepy to trusting in minutes. Despite the aliens being out there hunting, the girls aren’t worried about being attacked. But the guy gets attacked, and Skylar is sprayed with blood, but in the next scene, she doesn’t have blood on her. Skylar braves getting out of the car so they can take the dead man’s keys, oh but wait, the guy isn’t dead, but she chooses to pick up a dead weight body and use it as a shield. Skyler kills one of the aliens with a flashlight. Or was that a UV light? Dean gets hurt from a scratch to his midsection. Mac has trouble looking at the wound as if he is going to throw up. Why didn’t he feel that way when the teenager/young child/young kid had her innards hanging out? Mac is now left to battle the alien or aliens alone. An alien gets inside, and Mac and this alien are fighting when Dean kicks them into the bathroom. We watch this alien need water, or was it turned on by the water, but didn’t die when they thought they killed it. The girls come back to the house. Despite the small alien being alive now, they have to worry about a bigger alien in a Bigfoot-looking costume. But they have time to stop, take shots, read literature, and prepare for the fight as the big alien tries to break in. They even have time to discuss that UV light kills them and then attempt to explain how. Never mind the fact that the aliens are out in the middle of the day during this film. None of it makes sense.
We have reached the conclusion that everyone decided that the sun would kill the aliens, and now they are going to use the random cage on the property to trap it, and then kill it with the sun’s UV rays. But wait, now we are dancing, and the alien/gorilla is dancing. Do the sounds make the alien horny? Was this a cheap porno for aliens? It’s been out for years so I don’t mind spoiling this: In the last scene, Dean finds himself pregnant with an alien baby. WHAT?
In the opinion of my dear model friend Amaya, this film missed the mark. For starters, she felt they couldn’t make up their mind on the damn movie title. One site said Mac D vs The Space Rodent, and another said The Space Rodent. There was more than one alien but the title was singular. The entire movie gave off Goosebumps/middle- grade, Power Rangers, and Bill and Ted vibes. There were a lot of unnecessary references, and we couldn’t tell if this was satire, comedy, or serious. Very basic layout. Cinematography wasn’t very good. Lighting was terrible. The day-for-night purples bothered me. They couldn’t decide whether to film during the day or at night. One scene is midday lighting. In the next scene, it is dark outside as they look out their windows. For any outside filming, they adjusted the contrast to make it look like dusk. Music was basic and didn’t fit. Porno music played during the men’s dialogue scenes. Dialogue in general didn’t fit well with the action scenes. But then again, what action scenes. There was too much talk of random things and unnecessary references, which made the movie drag on. There was no continuity. Nobody died in this film, despite everyone at some point or another claiming they were going to die. What was the purpose of the aliens being there? Amaya felt as though they thought they were charismatic and fun when they weren’t. The comedy fell flat. It seemed very childish. Were they sitting around thinking wouldn’t it be cool if aliens had sexual goals and what would that look like. And then let’s throw in references of films and shows we liked growing up, because that would be cool. All that being said I will emphasize how hard it is to complete a movie at all, the fact that I was watching this on Blu-ray does mean something. I encourage creativity and the absurd so I celebrate that they made it across the finish line. This film would fit nicely at TROMA. I’m not talking smack, my movie THE NUDELS OF NUDELAND is on Troma so I mean it.
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