It’s Me, It’s Him, It’s T-I-M…

Hi folks, Its Tim Chizmar here once again with some random thoughts from the world of me. I saw the new Thor movie the first week it was released and I jotted notes I’d like to share with you all, as I do tend to see things differently than the rest of the world. Then I’ve got an update on my writing adventure in the land of books and in particular the NaNoWriMo challenge. Finally, I consider moving my chalky white ass to Sin City later this month, the Pros and the Cons. Let’s get started.

THOR: RAGNAROK is “Brainless” fun 

I’m not going to recap the plot points with a synopsis; as if you’re literally on a site about “comics’ news” I’ll revoke your nerd card if you haven’t been following the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

So let’s just dive in First to what made no sense or just plain sucked:

HOW DID HELA ESCAPE FROM PRISON?

Yeah, its only like the pivotal reasoning behind the whole movie! Where was she kept? How was she kept? How did she escape? How did she nonchalantly end up when Odin’s ghost was visiting the boys on magic green island? Gosh, that was stupid…

HULK FLEW A JET INTO SPACE? HUH?

C’mon. An Earth jet? Where did he think he was going? He was going to kill himself by suffocating in space? Then he magically gets on a junk planet… What?

HOW WAS LOKI KEPT IN CHAINS BY VALKYRIE?

How? How how how… he’s a trickster god and he’s held there by chains?

THOR – THE GOD OF THUNDER – WAS KEPT PRISONER BY A LIL THING ON HIS NECK?

Sigh. Did this not bother anyone else? Rip the fucker off you are a GOD!

ASGARD WENT FROM A MAGICAL KINGDOM TO A FEW PEOPLE ON A SPACESHIP… MEH…

It used to be a powerful and mysterious land but now its rumble for a fire god, totally a huge letdown, like goes to Disney and all the rides are broken.

THE BIGASS WOLF WAS UNDERUTILIZED

He looked adorable. That’s what I want for Xmas a giant fuzz head to eat my enemies! Totally shoulda been around more.

WHAT’S WITH ODIN’S GHOST?

We don’t see him die but we see him as a fucking ghost? Just hanging out? What kinda metaphysical bullshit is this?

LOKI KILLED PEOPLE OF EARTH. NOW HE’S TO BE TRUSTED? PA-LEEEZE.

Loki is getting to be like The Joker to Thor’s Batman. He needs to be killed or he will only hurt more, the less Thor sees this the weaker he is as any King.

THOR LOSES A GODDAMN EYE?

In a world where magic (Dr.Strange) or tech (Tony Stark) can alter anything (Bucky’s metal arm) are we to believe he can’t fix the eye? Sigh. STARE.

BANNER IN IT ONLY A MOMENT…

The nonsensical cameo by Banner was tragic. There’s no suspension of disbelief, If you’d lost yourself to another personality for around two years you would not so easily fall back into it, the implication is Bruce was nothing without the big green guy and that’s horseshit, he’s a genius scientist.

DREDD DIES

Urban, the actor that played the lead in the amazing DREDD film, not to be confused with the horrible Stallone/Schneider “I am the law” turkey, sacrifices himself for an act that could have been done FROM THE DOOR OF THE SHIP!! He didn’t need to die. Fuck… why aren’t I writing these movies?

My number one complaint about this film was… IT FAILED THE BECHTEL TEST.

For those that don’t know here’s the Bechtel test:

It is when a Film meets these 3 criteria.

  1. The movie has to have at least two women in it as actual identified characters, not PROSTITUTE #2 or WAITRESS but Jan Foster or Ellen Ripley,
  2. Who talk to each other,
  3. About something besides a man.

It shouldn’t be that goddamn hard in 2017 right? Oh but it is, this movie has three identifiable (4 if you count the video of Black Widow but..) female characters. Valkarie, Hela, and the Grand Master’s lead girl. None of them speak to each other although there was ample opportunity. I’m not the biggest champion for women’s rights as it can get a lil much but on this, I agree that it shouldn’t be too hard to meet these simple rules. I’m disappointed. Marvel still has a long way to go.

***On the Plus side, here’s what I liked:

DR.STRANGE CAMEO

It’s not that I think its perfect but every time I see him I am hopeful for The Rise of the Midnight Sons to be properly handled, I want to see Darkhold, Morbius, Danny Ketch and a proper Ghost Rider, not just Blade but The Nightstalkers, Hellstorm the Prince of Lies, Man-Thing, Werewolf by Night… etc. I hope the good doctor can be the portal to channel my favorite era in comics to the big screen.

Side note: currently reading the revamped SPIRITS OF VENGENCE with Hellstorm teaming with GR, Blade, and Satanna. That also gives me hope but gosh darn it am I the only one that loved Blaze with his hellfire gun? Sign-

VALKYRIE

She grew on me. Big time. Her character was bisexual (look it up) but she lost those scenes and it’s a shame.

HELA

Just perfect. Lovely actress portrayal that reminded me of Katarina Leigh Waters from some of my film projects. Graceful, smooth and fierce.

ODIN’s SECRETS

Loved the whitewashed history, this had a truth to it and was realistic of cultures as history is written by the winners… Enjoy your turkey this Thanksgiving? Pilgrims settling or is it invaders killing?

GOD OF HAMMERS

Great line, bummer to lose the worthiness storylines but I understand why they did it. Ol Hammerhead was getting stale and a revamp is cool, except for his goddamn eye you bastards.

GOLDBLUM

Genius, I like to buck trends, for example here in Idaho when everyone was going nuts for the eclipse I decided I’d skip it. So I expected to not like him as The Grand Master but he’s pretty great. Creepy, manipulative and just a hoot.

KERG

Funny stuff, I get sick of hearing people say the director’s name though… it’s weird. Sounds to me like a Hawaii magic spell.

Go see it, its BRAINLESS fun. As always stay after the credits.

TiChi does NaNo

I’ve heard of this NaNoWriMo craze for years but didn’t actually know quite how to join it. I thought it would have to be more difficult than it was… it’s just a website to create your profile on. Its National Novel Writer’s Month and around 500K people are forcing out 50K words towards that first draft of a full-length novel. I’d wanted to be a writer forever, since I was a child but alas I would buy copies of The Writer’s Market in college and hang up inspiring quotes, subscribe to Writers Digest and attend critique groups with writer’s prompts, what I didn’t do was sit: butt in chair: and write.

After bebopping around Hollywood for 11 years I sold screenplays to production companies, sold short stories to anthologies and collections like Chicken Soup for the Soul, and even wrote for magazines like Fangoria. Still, I got in my own way when it came to finishing and putting out a novel. It took my world tumbling down in the winter of 2016 for me to finally commit to doing it.

I am currently on book 4 of a 7 book set I’ll be releasing in June. Season #1 of my books include:

  1. an honest memoir about Happiness
  2. a collection of short stories
  3. a stand-alone horror/bizarre novel
  4. Part 1 of a new series
  5. Part 2 of the same series
  6. a second collection of horror shorts
  7. a nonfiction HOW TO guide on doing what I did to finally DO IT

In this month of November (when I turned 37) I’m following the NaNo rules and using it on my book 4. I’m loving the community and the encouragement. Writers are the best people I know in general. If you’re curious Comedians are the worst.

Am I Las Vegas bound?

Vivaaaaaa Las Vegasssss? I’m still in the mountains of Idaho but as I’m tiring of small-town life I’m considering a move to the land of Sin and Sinn (my buddy/wrestler Sinn Bodhi runs Freakshow Wrestling out there). I’ve only been there to visit but always enjoyed it. I like excitement and disappearing into crowds. I know comedians, strippers, wrestlers, writers, editors, etc that are very happy living in the suburbs around the craziness as its there when you want it and off when you don’t.

Things are cheap and there’s no tax. Hmmmm… I’m deciding this week.

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It's Me, It’s Him, It’s T-I-M… Hi folks, Its Tim Chizmar here once again with some random thoughts from the world of me. I saw the new Thor movie the first week it was released and I jotted notes I’d like to share with you all, as I do tend...