Chris "The Professor" Squires
Terrance "SpiderBaby" Griep
Dennis Mallonee mentioned that G-Girl writer Terrance Griep Jr. is also known as professional wrestler Tommy “The SpiderBaby” Saturday. As it turns out First Comics News reporter Chris Squires is also know as “The Professor” when he works a professional wrestling referee. Terrance and Chris square off in the first ever First Comics News SMACKDOWN!
Chris “The Professor” Squires: I’m warning you that you won’t be able to get away with ANYTHING in this interview like you do in the ring.
Terrance GRiEP Jr.: Duly noted. Once my spider-knees stop knocking together, we can proceed.
The Professor: Give us a brief biography and your history of working in comics and professional wrestling. And by brief I mean a few sentences; not another long, boring tirade like you do in the ring.
GRiEP: No worries, Professor–I fully appreciate how your low intelligence has restricted what passes for your attention span. Comics: I’ve been a writer for DC Comics’s SCOOBY-DOO for over a decade; I’ve written for Image Comics; and I’m a semi-reg’lar writer on various Heroic Publishing titles. Where professional wrestling is concerned, as Tommy “The SpiderBaby” Saturday, I started in 2003, and am currently holding titles in the tag team and singles divisions.
The Professor: Which comic book project that you’ve worked on is your most memorable? Why?
GRiEP: JLA Showcase #1. It features a ten-page story where I got to write (for publication) my childhood friends, Superman, Batman, and Green Lantern.
The Professor: Where do you get your inspiration for your story ideas?
GRiEP: What a lame question. I glean inspiration from the fourth question of insipid interviews. Oh, look–I just got an idea!
The Professor: Who is your all time favorite comic book story teller; your favorite professional wrestler(s)?
GRiEP: Alan Moore and Gino Hernandez, respectively. For exactly the same reasons.
The Professor: Do you have an opinion on digital comics? Do you think people prefer to “feel” a physical copy in their hands or do you see the industry rapidly transitioning to iPhones, iPads, etc.? Are you worried about the future of retailers or only yourself?
GRiEP: All opinions are, frankly, irrelevant. While I personally love the “feel” of a physical copy–whether it’s a comic book, a paperback, or a textbook–all media are moving in the digital direction, as if compelled by a black hole. I do worry about retailers. As they go, so goes the industry. Everyone who cares about comics must support their local retailers…and retailers must think about the future.
The Professor: What advice would you give to someone interested in a career in comics? What background and tools do they need?
GRiEP: I’ll address writing, specifically, since that’s how I work in comics. One’s background is immaterial, really: you just need to convince an editor that you and only you can supply him or her dependably awesome scripts that’ll sell big time. It’s the “how” of that that’s always difficult…
The Professor: I think I can answer this question myself, but what advice would you give to someone interested in a career in professional wrestling?
GRiEP: Ah, and as has been the case with each premise you’ve presented, Chris-dear, you are pointed 180 degrees in the wrong direction–you’re consistent, at least…I’ll grant you that. The main component for pro wrestling success is a decent trainer. If you’re very talented, you might be ready to start after six-to-nine months of training. Most people take a year. The lion’s share of injuries I’ve suffered have come from training, simply because I didn’t quite know what I was doing yet. My trainers, incidentally, have since retired, because they knew they’d never produce another diamond like The SpiderBaby. I think the term is “Tapping out while you’re ahead.”
The Professor: It’s been said that professional wrestling is like a super hero comic book come to life. What’s your take on that? How do you feel being involved in both worlds?
GRiEP: Aesthetically, the parallels between super-hero comics and professional wrestling are manifold and obvious…but the media are so different. Telling stories with your body and telling stories with print are perfect non sequiturs. All that said, I love living in both worlds–those worlds fit me much more comfortably than the “real” world…
The Professor: In researching this article, many people have compared your “SpiderBaby” wrestling character to such terrible comic book villains as the Golden Age’s “Crazy Quilt” and the 3-panel appearance of “Thornaldo” in THE MIGHTY CRUSADERS. How do you feel about that?
Have you ever thought if you actually respected the rules we have in professional wrestling that you may become championship material and find yourself a contender for the gold?
GRiEP: Your research skills are as sub par as your interview style, alas. All told, I’ve held six different championships, and my training for those matches didn’t include the wussy finger flexes wrought during rule-book-readings…nor, come to think of it, fretting over which geeky comparisons might be generated by full-grown men living in their mothers’ basements. My appearance is an expression of my deepest self–I think it’s just courteous to let my opponent know–truly know–who is about to destroy him.
The Professor: I have been called “…one of the truest “counters” amongst all the referees officiating in pro wrestling today, …one of the sports most knowledgeable officials, …the ultimate and final word in the ring, …runs a tight ship, …a fair man of deep integrity, …an asset to [any] wrestling federation.” Does it concern you that someday you may step into a ring where I am officiating, knowing that you won’t get away with the same crap with me that you have in all your other matches?
GRiEP: I notice that your appositives don’t include “Interviewer Extraordinaire”–I suspect there’s a reason for that, hm? As for our in-ring interactions: I only cheat my stoopid opponent forces me to, and I guarantee you that I’m shiftier than you are, ahem, “knowledgeable.” Ye Gods, I’ve never encountered an interviewer who aggrandizes himself so much. What happens next in this antimatter, Bizarro, evil mirror universe where you live? Am I supposed to ask you questions now?
The Professor: To show I’m a reasonable and just interviewer, you get the last word…
GRiEP: How very gracious of you. If all thirteen of your visitors are interested in keeping up with my misadventures, they can check out my website: www.thespiderbaby.com. Alternately, they can add me at www.facebook.com/thespiderbaby. Thanks for the interview, I guess.
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The Spiderbaby’s superior intellect has once again been wrapped tightly around his prey. Why do the bugs try?
Oh wow. “Spider Baby’s” one fan made a comment. Or was it written for this loser to post? Or is it “Spider Baby” writing under another pseudonym. (And just in case your “superior intellect” is waning today, a pseudonym is a fictitious name used by a person; even a clown like you.) Have a great day!